Media roundup: All the news that causes fits

An annual look at the highs, lows, and midland potential of our regions’ finest newsy source-like outlets:

The Oregonian has decided after several years of high-unemployment rates, thousands of foreclosures and a rising number of people on the streets to start reporting on the subject of housing and homelessness.

“After careful consideration,” a recent editorial from the Oregonian noted, “we realized that we do actually care about people who have lost everything. We’re not yet ready to blame the banks and still believe we shouldn’t raise taxes under any circumstances, but we do care.”

The Willamette Week did not report about Street Roots screwing things up this year. The editorial team has decided to wait to slam the organization until Street Roots goes weekly, or wins first prize at the Society of Professional Journalists awards, whichever comes first. It’s thought that Editor Mark Zusman will go “ballistic” if SR, a left-wing commie rag, receives any kind of journalism award in front of the WW.

A local blogger reported that The Portland Mercury and Street Roots produced the most news in the city last year with the smallest editorial staffs. Publishers, editors, reporters and staff at both publications are thought to have any number of ailments, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and any number of addictions due to the grueling publication schedule. Both editors (Theriault, Zuhl) are thought to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Asked by a local blogger why the newspapers sometimes have similar coverage, the spokespersons (Humphrey, Bayer) at both publications reacted similarly, barking weird incoherent opinions about money, duty and deadlines. One of the publishers was dressed in leather chaps with a rainbow t-shirt and scarf; the other was wearing soccer socks with long Adidas sports shorts, and, oddly enough, a rainbow scarf. Both mumbled profanities not meant for print and appeared to be visibly disturbed.

A recent newspaper survey revealed that Portland Monthly has the most read cover page in the city, while also being the least read publication. One media insider says, “Thousands of people in checkout stands across the city enjoy reading the cover of the Portland Monthly, but couldn’t care less about what’s inside.”

Due to subscription requirements The Portland Business Journal remains the most half-read online newspaper in the city.

Blue Oregon, an online propaganda tool for progressives, has officially put its readers to sleep.

Popular blogger Byron Beck has been seen around town this week snapping photos of anything with two legs and a drink in its hand. Bike Portland continues to report on white people on bikes, while Portland Afoot will be presenting a special series this month on foot fetishes on the bus. Jack Bog’s Blog is still mad at the city, for what we’re not exactly sure of.

Some in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered community mourned, while others rejoiced the fact that Just Out magazine closed shop this year. Gay men blamed lesbian women for the closure, while lesbian women blamed gay men for everything else. The transgender community blamed both groups for leaving them out of the decision. A new publication titled PQ Monthly launched last month with many of Just Out’s former employees. The launch party was reported to be very gay.

The Portland Tribune has reported that the good guys are really good, while the bad guys are really bad.

Fox 12 News reported every single news tip that came across its desk, offering a range of important stories on car crashes, rain storms and how dog owners are manipulating the city. Not to be outdone, the morning news team at KOIN 6 ran a special series this week on dog owners who have car crashes in the rain.

Street Roots produces an annual satirical edition of the newspaper each year on April 1. Support your local neighborhood vendor today and have a laugh on us.

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