Mayoral candidates: Do any of these people look familiar to you?

Street Roots talks with Mayoral candidate contenders for the City of Portland  — asking them views of everything that’s already been asked before.

Street Roots: How do you feel about the arts?

Eileen Brady: My grandmother loved the arts. I love the arts. The arts equal jobs. Yes to the arts.

Jefferson Smith: In a democracy, there has to be art and I’m pro-democracy. Think about all of the great artists that have captured democracy over the years. Art and democracy are fine tools for government.

Charlie Hales: If you think about it, I’m old enough to be art. I love myself. I love art. What was the question again?

Street Roots: Will you support a bike friendly agenda in Portland?

Jefferson Smith: In a democracy, there will be cycling and I’m very pro-democracy. Think about democracy like spokes in a wheel. You have to have a democracy to make the wheels turn.

Charlie Hales: Baking is great. It creates jobs and food, which are both good for business. I’m working on a sustainable baking program now. We need more green baking.

Eileen Brady: My family loves to cycle. I love to cycle, especially on the Esplanade. Yes to cycling.

Street Roots: How will you support unions?

Charlie Hales: Unions mean bridges and bridges mean jobs and jobs mean happy unions. Bride-building unions are a real good thing for Portland.

Jefferson Smith: I love democracy.

Eileen Brady: You know the thing about unions is that I love unions. Yes to unions.

Street Roots: If you are elected mayor, how will you support housing?

Jefferson Smith: Think about this for a moment — a house of democracy. Yes to housing a democracy. We are talking about democracy, right?

Eileen Brady: My mother was a housing advocate. I love housing. Yes to housing.

Charlie Hales: When I lived in Washington I thought a lot about housing in Oregon. All I can say is that I’m glad I kept my house in Oregon or I might be running for office in Washington (chuckle). I love Portland so much.

Street Roots: How will you work with business to ensure Portland stays a competitive West Coast city?

Charlie Hales: I’m all business, all of the time. I am a walking business. Business to me means business, jobs, kids, healthy kids, and business. Jobs and business, business and jobs, lots and lots of jobs.

Eileen Brady: I bet you didn’t know I’m the co-founder of New Seasons. My family loves business. I love business. Business equals jobs and more jobs. So many jobs. Jobs for your neighbors, and brothers and sisters too. Yes to jobs. Yes to business.

Jefferson Smith: I love the business community. I’m not so sure the business community loves me. I know the Portland Business Alliance would soil themselves if I became mayor.  Other than that, jobs, and more jobs. Really, it’s all about jobs.

Street Roots: How can we fix government?

Jefferson Smith: Government means democracy. I like to think of it as getting on a bus. And then riding that bus around Portland and Oregon and then getting people to vote, for, well, me. God, I am in love with democracy.

Eileen Brady: My family loves government. I love government. I’ve been trying to get into government for years.  Yes to government.

Charlie Hales: I’ve made a lot of money in the private sector and I’ve spent even more while working in government. Yes to government.

Street Roots: When Portlanders go to the ballot this May, why should they vote for you as mayor?

Eileen Brady: My family loves Portland. I love my family. Yes to Portland. Yes to me.

Jefferson Smith: In a democracy you get to vote. I get to vote, even though I haven’t always voted. That’s the thing about a democracy, you can also choose not to vote. I was so busy studying democracy (chuckle), I forgot to vote. Vote in a democracy, for me.

Charlie Hales: When you ask the question about baking in Portland. I thought was a weird question. But then I thought maybe you said biking. The point is, vote for me. I love both baking and biking in Portland.

Street Roots produces an annual satirical edition of the newspaper each year on April 1. Support your local neighborhood vendor today and have a laugh on us.

4 responses to “Mayoral candidates: Do any of these people look familiar to you?

  1. Jefferson Smith for Mayor!

  2. hockeymonkey2

    Sheer brilliance. Thanks.

  3. i bet Ellen likes unions! haha!

  4. Pingback: What the JOBS Act Means for You Right Now - The Society – Entrepreneurs Epicentre

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