Occupy Portland works on plan to increase homelessness

by Proud To Be An American, Folk Netwok

Occupy Portland protesters have decided to end homelessness by increasing the number of people living in tents citywide.

“We feel like it’s our duty to come out and get pneumonia with everyone else,” said one protestor studying economics at Portland State University. “We believe that solidarity means making homelessness an issue. So we’re going to become homeless too.”

One philosophy major with the group said most of the homeless organizations in Portland didn’t have a clue about homelessness, and if they wanted to really help they would protest their own organizations and start up an info tent in a park somewhere east of 82nd Avenue, where the real working class homeless live.

Others in the Occupy movement are hesitant and blame people experiencing mental-illness for being mentally ill in the first place. “Honestly, they ruined it for us with their split personalities and drug addiction. If we could have kept out the homeless from the camps, we would have never killed that grass in the park. It’s a total bummer.”

Labor groups have said they will provide money for the info tent, but really don’t have an opinion on homelessness so long as the message gets out.

Anarchists say that everyone involved in the movement is wrong and that unless groups were ready to smash the Burger King tomorrow night at an undisclosed location, everyone would burn in a hell they didn’t believe in along with the other 1 percenters.

Occupy Portlanders are now threatening to recall Housing Commissioner Nick Fish if they don’t get tarps donated for a new tent city down by the river. “There are a lot of middle class people that believe we have a right to be homeless too,” said one spokesperson. “Capitalism is to blame.”

Street Roots produces an annual satirical edition of the newspaper each year on April 1. Support your local neighborhood vendor today and have a laugh on us.

One response to “Occupy Portland works on plan to increase homelessness

  1. I am an Occupy member that has been out front in the fight for homeless rights. This “story” is narrow to the point that I will no longer support street roots.

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